On a piece of rotting meat, in a sore in a ewe's crutch, or a hedgehog suckling's anus, my destiny is realised and I obey the great command: increase and multiply and fill the earth.
When I see my offspring writhe in an ecstasy of blood and slime my maternal joy and pride spills over. Caterpillars, crunching cabbage leaves, leather-jackets at a dock root, wasp-weaklings in an apple-core, the pampered one on royal jelly, are no match for my brood.
See their frenzy and vitality, see them grow, hour by hour, as the God-given morsels disappear. Soon they will rest, retire to a dry-leaf incubator and the shedding of skin will reveal the blues and greens and hairy black hues of the next generation.
And what a job we do. Storm troopers of nature's scavengers, we clean up the middens, the tip-heads. We assure the strength of other species - only the fittest survive our attention. We get no credit for our work, only vilification, sticky strips and DDT. But still we buzz about our business iridescent beauties in nature's plan.
2. ADVANCE FAREWELL TO OSCAR
I dreamed that dreaded, drizzly dawn, when, staggering yawning to the door to call "Here boy! Tchlk tchlk, come on!" your day had come to be no more. O carefree, loving, jealous friend why did I have to dream your end?
A tan Jack Russell was your dam, your sire a Kerry blue; at least a randy, curly fan was sniffing 'round when she was due. You came to us like Christmas mouse - inquisitive for hidey-holes; created havoc in the house while learning adult roles.
The children named you Oscar. Aye, a Celtic name and proud. You are in all our eyes with pride and bravery endowed. New kennel and new wicker bed, new collar, lead and dish; no Bonios or tin-food mess but well-done steak or best red fish.
Jack Russells have their tails docked short but your appendage stays in place. The very thought was made abort by the children's howls and my wife's stern face. Full member of the family, great participant of children's play, we brought you to the sea, the west country. Would you stay at home? No way!
Struck twice by cars and in the wars with trespassers who'd come to pee, to neighbours' cats a fearsome warrior to chase them up the nearest tree. Each morning you would scratch the door and yip and yelp, a plaintive din, hoping that if you whined some more I would relent and let you in.
And in you came! On bouncing feet, with smiling eyes and happy grin, you took your place beside the heat. To love the fire was your great sin! Last act at night, I'd coax you from your snooze. Your accusing eye would send the blight! Then, with a mighty body-stretch and yawn, you would wag me to the door.
First act at dawn, before the shave, unlatch the door and find you there. As ever! Then, this morning, while you wagged your tail and hopped and skipped and jumped around my feet, I knew -
I dreamed that dreaded, drizzly dawn, when, staggering yawning to the door to call "Here boy! Tchlk tchlk, come on!" your day had come to be no more. O carefree, loving, jealous friend why did I have to dream your end?
But inspiration blew my mind apart. you have a soul, the doggy kind. New start!
The piece was written in 1984. Oscar died on 28/11/1985, during complicated surgery to repair a ruptured diaphragm. We suspect that he had been kicked in the ribs three weeks before. I was in Australia at the time but my wife and children did everything possible to save him. He was just seven years old when he died, and we all grieved for him.
3. CURATOR
This country-man has lived too long in cities. His feet were dumb and blind until the watchful child cried an agitated warning.
He froze on the brink of murder. Fragile life scurried underfoot. City-man, tread gently on this earth. Watch where you walk.
For, even in the urban garden, you may crunch down an ignorant foot on a songbird with a broken wing,
or a soft-spined hedgehog wandering far from the camouflaged nest. Edge your booted foot along with care, worthy of the trust bestowed.
You are curator, temporarily employed to tend a magic garden, a museum of live art.
4. EMPTY NEST
The sow lumbered in the hedge her sharp spines scratching undergrowth. In herself she must have felt fulfilment - she had produced a litter of five nuzzlers. Her nightly foraging took her through the graveyard, where she found tasty slugs and other delicacies. At dawn she returned to the nest for a well earned sleep. The little ones sucked and grew. Their spines were soft and their shy rambling from the nest comical. I feared their fearlessness, for I knew that danger lurked.
At four weeks, half weaned, they made bird-sounds and the future looked bright until the blowflies struck. One by one, the sucklings died, to feed the greedy maggots. The nest is empty now. The sow can't figure out how creatures smaller than a fly could devour her litter.
But then, she does not know the brutality of nature and the inflexible law of the survival of the fittest, the hunger of the selfish gene. And insect genes are strong.
Some day, I'll write a canticle to maggots, whose beauty and strength appear in a different light filtered through bluebottle eyes.
5. A BULL'S NOTION OF RESEARCH
Bulls together, lying in a group, contented, warm, we ruminated leeward of a friendly ditch, banked with soil and stones and hawthorn trees. The wind and sleet blew impotent high over our ditch to lash the field beyond. The flies stayed home. The rhythmic burping and the meditative chew, the scent of rumen juice was incense to our herd. The cars ground up the lane. Doors banged. Voices quipped and swore. The grate of steel on stone - gates opening - then men in rubber boots and yellow waterproofs came tramping.
A small relief, no sticks or dogs... We resigned ourselves to the old routine, moved reluctantly, a straggling line, towards the cattle-pens of steel, the trapping gates and fight-destroying crush. They drove us, unresisting, to the catching bail.
We went, defeated, under threat of the electric goad, were nose-tonged, bawling, shivering, debased and shamed to be handled so by men one sixth our size. But men are clever bastards and can kill more easily than we. They bled our veins in plastic tubes, shot xylocaine into our hides, dug shiny corers in our deadened sides, sucked specimens of liver into glass containers stored in a two-skinned box.
Schoolboys in adventure camp, they gloried in their hunting knives and toys: scalpels, needles, alcohol, flasks and sterile wipes, syringes, anaesthetics, blue powder for our wounds. Those bloody scientists examined us from head to tail, even inspected under our tails, handled our balls... Prodded, vampired, weighed, we waited patiently while they wrote it all down: tag, sample, weight, date et cetera. They even pinched our grass and poked around in our manure - men from God knows where, doing God knows what! And what a time they must have had filling out expenses forms.
Why can't science be confined as top priority to cabbages, carnations, crustaceans, bacterial protein or the metaphysical? They should leave us bulls alone to graze and grow and hump our days away in peace and clover swards. Ah well! It's over now for another six weeks at least.
6. LIMOUSIN BULL
We slaughtered fifty bulls last spring at Purcell's down near Clane. The Muslim rite was used that time - no stunning for the slain. Those massive beasts were beautiful but some of them were mean and one of them, a Limousin, the wildest bull we'd seen.
In farm and shop, in bed and pub, his story will be told. Aye! some of us may envy him when we grow limp and old. In life he stood defiant, danger sparking in his eye and when his time had come at last, he showed us how to die.
The spring before, we purchased them as yearlings with full bags. We dosed them and we punched their ears with coloured plastic tags. Strange how memories remain long after the deed is done - the Limo's tag, remembered still, was Orange Twenty-One.
When April growth began to come, the bulls were put to grass, with O-Two-One among them, horny, dissident and crass. He walked through fences, jumped the drains, roamed anywhere he would and buggered all his comrades to their hocks in peaty mud.
All summer long he taunted us when others took their shots - he'd skip across the cattle-crush and gallop 'round the plots. You'd think him trained for point-to-points, impatient for the start like thoroughbreds at Punchestown or hounds at Shelbourne Park.
When we got them to the killing-pen, his comrades ambled round to be stuck without a murmur and then dumped onto the ground. But Limo would have none of that. Despite hydraulic rams and steel doors hissing from behind against his mighty hams
and steel walls closing in on him to drive him toward the light through the false escape before him to the sticker's bloody knife. No! Bellowing with anger, Limo twisted in a knot, his nose close to his testicles, his tail up in the air.
Six times they tried to gentle him by pulling back the rams to give him space to find his feet before they tried again... Six times they failed and Limo screamed his anger without fear: "You want to get me with that blade? You'll have to come in here".
By now the word had spread around and admiration grew, as Foreman ordered Shackle-man to use the calming brew. The killing-pen was sprayed and sprayed with anaesthetic mist and soon old Limo's weary head began to nod and list.
On this, at least, he scored a point that made the butchers cheer: instead of feeding Libyan troops, he'd put them all to sleep. Sly-shackled by the left hock through a slit beneath the door, high-hoisted to the ceiling, his great head touched the floor.
The sticker's blade just flickered on the singing honing stone before it sliced in smoothly, cutting right down to the bone. With bull's blood, life blood, gushing out, brave Limo woke again. He tried to roar. This time he failed, his roars mere gurgling gasps.
Still struggling fiercely to the end, a battling reprobate, strong pizzle at attention though just to urinate, he called us every name in hell: haemorrhagic misbegottens, from person or persons unknown;
of low intelligence and partial to maternal fornication; skin-parasite-infected self-abusers, or worse. Each man present heard his own curse. The mighty body gave one final twitch. Then... silence.
"Right lads... Lunchtime..." The crowd dispersed, wordless, subdued, respectful. We're all for slaughter anyway but Bravo O-Two-One!
7. THE CAT'S HOME
Clarke resented his mother willing the home of his youth to the coffers of the Irish agents of the bankrupt Vatican Bank.
But I heard of a man who had more cause for anger - his dying mother willed the house to be sold for an Old-Folks' Home but willed that her seven cats be allowed to live in peace before the auction.
In her will, she stipulated that her cats be fed and watered and not be interfered with. The senile lady had forgotten that what's in cat can sire kittens by the newtime.
The local vets were glum but her attorneys insisted that the letter of the mating claw be followed. Now the neighbourhood is full of catshit, fur and miaow and the Old Folks' Home is waiting for the promised auction.
The ousted son has sworn to fight for the right to bloody sports, starting with the coursing of cats disguised as hares.
8. THE WHITE RABBIT (Publ. Salmon, Galway, Jan 1988)
Grandpa, lying in his teeth, seeded my imagination, swearing as he crossed himself that Sergeant Mullins had a secret hidden in an empty cell in the village barracks - a white rabbit with red eyes.
This had to be a magic beast a cousin of the unicorn, for even I knew that rabbits were grey or brown or black, not white.
Grandma had a rattan stool and a hat with pheasant tails. I crawled between the wooden legs the stool seat to my chest donned the feathered hat, mounted my steed, a kitchen brush and rode into the night.
To a child of four, from lighted towns, a mile of country road at dusk meant headless horsemen, leering ghosts and dangers crouched behind the traitor ditch but that proud mile, ridden to my rattan tattoo and my coward's whistle were affirmation of identity.
The rattle of the ancient Ford, the cross-eyed lights, the shout of "Get in here, me bucko!" aborted my adventure. Grandma stayed his angry hand, repeating fiercely that the boy believed the lie. She cooked a boxty supper.
Grandpa and the Sergeant drove the potholed miles to Sligo town, bargained in the pet-shop like tanglers at a fair, brought a rabbit home - the first New Zealand White to see Dromore.
And mine were not the only eyes to feast on the impossible. Grandpa presided while Grandma poured endless cups of tea as neighbours came and went in wake-house reverence, nodding and whispering in the country way that nature was amazing.
9. REPRIEVE
Bumblebee, pathetic on my window-sill on a rainy day in late July, your black and amber jersey is no match for this chilling, wintry cold. Your life is ending now. No more the busy buzz, the sun-dance in the hive, the ardent hunting for the heather juice. Instead a slow, cold death with no kin near to wish the last farewell.
I turn you gently on your back. You can not right your awkward bulk but move your legs so slowly and with pain. Do bees become arthritic in old age? Poor creature! Pardon me as I end your agony.
I moved to guillotine his head. He knew. The energy returned as if God intervened. The bee buzzed angrily, arching his abdomen to shield his neck. Struggling fiercely, the reprieved skated up the glass. I pushed the sash and helped him on his way. Fare well my bee! My bumblebee, remember me, a stumbling bumbler too, when I lie helpless on my back, unable to right my bulk. Save my neck with your translucent wing. Remind my kin to pause awhile before they put me out of misery.
10. KING OF THE RIVER
On the magic line between the calm and flow, You gently broke the surface, head and tail, a beauty, nineteen pounds at least and freshly run, the sea-lice tacked like seaweed to Your sides.
My mind's eye saw You flick that mighty tail to dive behind Your rock eight feet below. That soul-calm evening on the first of May, some thirty miles above Killala bay, the timeless miracle arrived like cyclic winds to ease the strain that living puts on minds. O Silver King, why cross the sea from Newfoundland to fall to me?
I know how You have fought to dodge the seals, the nets of monofilament. You passed the shallow bay when tide was full and ran the deadly channel through the town. From every bridge and vantage point the townies cast their lures; poachers slung their deadly strokehauls; bailiffs' looked the other way.
You had to run the Ridge Pool, whipped into a froth by middle-class executives, at Company expense, to meet the fishtraps built across the weir. A narrow gap was free for You to shimmy through. With three turbo-sparkling jumps You cleared the rapids and the falls to reach the deeper pools above.
You travelled through the night past Foxford and Pontoon, through the island-seeded waters of Lough Conn, to the black mouth of the Deel. And so You reached my bend. O Silver King, why cross the sea from Newfoundland to fall to to me?
Three years ago, a smolt, You swam past yon grey Castle on Your compass to the sea. Its ravens wished you well. Now, I hear them croak in shrouded black: You'll pass that way no more.
I talked to him. I sang his feats. I dared him grab the bait. Short wait! The savage lunge, the vicious strike and he, despairing of his plight, jet-streaked up-river in his mortal fight. O Silver King, why cross the sea from Newfoundland to fall to to me?
He did not answer but I knew he cursed the Fates who turned their backs on him as to the net he jaded came. I praised his courage as I clubbed his head. Will he praise mine, when I must join the dead?
Phil Rogers MRCVS, Lucan, Dublin, Ireland Fax: 353-46-26154 Tel: 353-46-26740 (Lab) [email protected] | [email protected] THE NYCAVMA IS HONORED TO HOST & MANAGE THE PHIL ROGERS ARCHIVE