For a bit of a lark, a colleague, Spark, embarked with glee to compile a veterinary anthology.
His plea was read by vets in bed or sitting by their fires or browsing in the library near academic spires.
Some went the easy way and found their early efforts in lofts and long-forgotten places. Dust flew. Old manuscripts looked new
like titivated faces. Others had Muses unleashed. Pens, pencils scratched. First drafts were slashed.
Groans, teeth clenched, tousled hair, birthed the novel opus: poems were made flesh
and dwelt amongst us. They sent their souls to Spark. It was a lark no more. He axed and chopped for days
and published it himself. The work was read with silent nods and chuckles, inward cries, time-lost sighs,
twitching knuckles. But permanence? No! Mixed joy and sorrow, here today, gone tomorrow.
* 2. AVE KAVANAGH
Hail Kavanagh! You were indeed a rare one, a quare one, a crafty blackguard, a plotting thief, you stole from me the best of themes before I was conceived. I dowsed the hidden Irish streams for years but I was 45 before I drank the gift of your clean spring, a heady crystal poitin as potent as the third still run. The first slug made me drunk the next smashed me out for days and now I'm hooked.
O self-watchful poet, who lauded effort spent on poems, you knew their vanity, yet you scrawled enfevered- had to- in pain, anger, fear, love, despair and, most of all, in helpless prayer but little outward laughter. You could not flee the maternal pavlovian conditioning of Catholic childhood and youth. Adroitly scalpelling the wank of power by some, you bandaged-up the frail humanity of others: peasants, wise priests and gombeenmen, politicians, writers, women, especially young temple worshippers who dreamed in lust at the unsheathing, cut and thrust of the priest-poet's pen. Is that to be my lot? Ireland changes daily but some things not. And bad bastards will say I stole from you the best I wrote.
I must make tracks to bed. Science is my jealous mistress; she needs care and wooing too. She kept me well away from you until now, until now. But no more.
* 3. IMAGES
Earth, plough and furrow, the Book of Durrow, celibate dreams to the sewer drain consigned in self-conscious pain by you, poor lonely man, poor soul alone, the people's priest who would be queen and drone.
From a bleak clay-moulded ursine heart you growled earth-ripping curses, groans of your own peaks of power and troughs of drained vigour.
Prickly gorsefires raged and died in the bogs and mountains of your mind, leaving wildernesses, smouldering quicklime, blackened tonsures, from which in time grew shoots of fern, heather and myrtle, a riot of honest green and purple.
You knew the wariness of mountain-men, weary heroes who worked the earth before the tractor era, dour men of the North, with tightlipped spinster sisters, men whose best suits were bought from hucksters' stalls.
Winter storms lifted scollab and slate from your rustic people's rafters. Ice wind, lancinate whistled through rough-patched britches petrifying grass-wiped arses. Boots caked in mud, hayseeds in unwashed hair, dungstain of years under fingernails, vomit, weasel-piss and whiskey on your vest, you would fail the breathalyser-test.
Nothing but death could halt you, green fool sayer of sooth, in your painful stony path to your grim truth.
* 4. AN BEAL BOCHT
* a. THE LIFE OF KAVANAGH Under 3 cheap spotlights two out of work actors hypnotise the depths of soul of 36 people caught in the money trap. Wood fire, shadows, frothy black and amber glasses warm our minds in the flames of words. There is a terrible power in the spoken word, the flash of manic eyes, that raises us above the drab mundane. We see stars through our ears. Suspension of disbelief has been achieved beyond the shadow of the flame. Sirens outside do not disturb the fantasy. We are saved when we escape ourselves. And, as I walk away, my only regret is not to have asked that beautiful blonde, who laughed and cried in empathy if she would mind if I gave her a brother's kiss. Then, I run back to recite this verse and her partner grins, thinking he owns her. 36 people, on brief parole from the money trap walk out into the night street, inebriated with words, with thoughts.
* b. KULLERVA AND THE GRAND CANAL After the Beal Bocht, I steer my body to the car and as the engine fires, I fantasise a stroll along the Grand Canal, the silent waters, the watching trees, in search of a woman who could share with me the mind, the mind of Kavanagh, of loneliness and savage need.
By the black Niagarous lock, under a rustling judastree, I find instead a jaded maid of lamplight, tightbloused, highskirted, loosegartered, dull of intellect, bereft of soulfroth and mindfrills.
She finger-flicks a lipsticked butt into the minifalls, Jackoes her tongue and crotch and offers her all (you name it mister) for only fifteen quid. My soul revolts. I am afraid, half paralysed. I try but can not reach her. I am Kullerva, the siren my sister. She ropes me tightly to the judastree as trolls and pubfolk crowd round to jeer my helpless agony.
I struggle and howl as she sates the trolls and fucks the mob for free. In one last frenzied spree, she strips me down, strokes me up and sucks me off quickly, expertly. Manic, she rises to drunken cheers, sprays her mouthful over my face, (all I ever got from you, dear brother), curses my life and hers, then frees me. I take my blade. You know the rest? Wrong again: it fails to pierce my chest.
Sister saunters off towards Leeson Street on the arm of a laughing priest. From Kavanagh, Sibelius and me: Fuck fantasy! Back in the real world, I work the clutch, rev through the gears and drive home, holding back my groans for one whose eyes are also misty, who knows her reality and mine and the savagery of life.
* 5. HORSEMAN (... Cast a cold eye on life, on death. Horseman pass by - William B. Yeates)
Horseman was an ordinary guy. Once he cast a loving eye on life, a warm, compassionate tear on death until he mounted in bravado his first Horse, gift that was no gift from a friend who was no friend.
His Pegasus, a white and airy flier, had occult powers to unchain the slave from boredom, apathy and hopelessness; could transport him above the clouds of pain, weightless, effortless, in dreamy, floating peace through imagined skies to countries of the mind, soaring, swooping, gliding free to kingdoms, mindscapes of the blind, where he was crowned a few sweet hours free of loneliness.
No woman now between his thighs could hope to emulate the thrill of this unbridled bucking steed. In the saddle, exhilarated, wild, he was blinded in that ride and, though he could not know at first, his limbs were bound with shackles more cruel than prison chains.
From golden thrones in dim and hazy clouds, high thrones, Horse unsaddled him to freefall unprepared in uncontrolled descent, crying, screaming, covered in cold sweat, cramping limbs and tearing chestpain, lurching stomach, icy guts, rippling rigors jerking twisting puppet body, obscene fandango of his heels to empty retching, nausea.
With terror in his eyes, he knew he must remount his Horse again at any cost: the theft, the muggings, burglary, the sordid retail of his mouth and flesh in furtive doorways for the urgent cash to pay his Horse's upkeep, day by intravenous day.
For twenty months he rode his Horse in sight of the Gates of Hell until a deathly chill seeped mercilessly into Horseman's eye. Now life was cold as death to him and death was what he sought but fought until one Dublin Christmas Eve. Lone-huddled by the quays, he heard the hymns of midnight Mass echo on the water, through the streets. "All is calm... All is bright..." No joy to him. "...Sleep in heavenly peace..." No peace to him but darkness and despair.
This would be his silent night. All right. This night he'd ride in style. Crouched before the Four Courts, symbol of Irish justice, he found a lumpy vein and shot a lethal dose of heroin.
He leaped to the saddle and took the mane, tightened his knees in last embrace, wheeled his Horse around in trotting pace. Skimming over Liffey waters, gliding over Phoenix Park, above the cushioned wealth of Castleknock, past Blanch, Mulhuddart and Clonee, past Christmas candles glinting in Dunboyne, to him was Jesus stillborn. He slapped the reins, kneed his Horse, then sunk the spurs, rowelling savagely in the white flanks as he yielded his head to the powerful runaway. Pegasus snorted and galloped unstoppable thundering, whinnying, wild eyed in agony hammering over the green plains of Warrenstown over the hedges and fields of the living ones leaping the wall of the dead.
As pigeons heralded that Christmas morn, a wino woman scavenging the quays saw Horseman crumpled where he died, syringe and needle by his side. She took his coat for warmth, she searched his corpse. An empty plastic bag was all she found. The Horse was gone but his whinny remained... Echo...Echo... through streets broad and narrow Alive, Alive-O, Oh very much so in the cold Dublin dawn.
* 6. NORTHSIDE AT 6 A.M.
Early birds were astir and smoke curled from a few chimneys. Fiercely neat little houses shouted indignation at the grot and greyness. Here and there, in ones and twos, the determined lucky ones, hunched into the cold dawn rain, walking or cycling to work. Tool-kit under her arm, a young fitter waited for her lift. Her go-for knuckled cold fists into a well worn donkey jacket. Their Seven Sisters dreamed on, deep in the debt of valium sleep. Mongrels, tails between their legs, nosed and snarled in garbage. A Ford two-litre, blue lights flashing, squealed to a purposeful halt. Its four uniformed men baton-tapped good morning on a caravan's door. In the shrouded Tolka valley, from choking mist and drizzle, the ghosts of Larkin, Pearse and Connolly addressed a rally of the unemployed. Words like slavery, oppression, revolution, the People... rose to the clouds for vengeance. Clouds transformed into clenched fists and angry roars of thunder gave way to soft rain. On the airport tarmac, charter planes held idle conversations, waiting for their passengers from Dublin 4, 15, Foxrock. Driving through at 6 a.m., I sensed the painful cutting of dragon teeth through hunger-swollen northside gums. I shivered for the children of Kathleen.
* 7. SEED-FALL IN LEESON STREET
Into the Leeson Strip, autumn winds whirl around the Blood Bank corner. Cruisers ply their customary lanes. Catkins roll in gutters. Potential majesty sleeps in dormant seed, beauty which can never realise itself without the dark and damp warmth of hungry soil, the bursting through, the energy of sun shafting outstretched greenery, the living rain bathing thirsty roots.
But there are too many seeds and not enough space to grow. Too much concrete covers fallow city soil. Too little love nurtures the hardy sprouts which shoot and grow to shout and run wild and sniff glue and knock back cider and mind your car "for ten-pence, mister".
Coloured lights strobing young; supple bodies prancing, weaving; gashes opening and closing in blue-white faces: words drowning in the disco sea. Cold stars bathing lost light on the altar-stone; bouncers lounging against padlocks; beer heading onto pounding floors; a careless butt smouldering on melting plastic; polystyrene flaring and dripping, its poison smoke rolling down and the moaning, the screaming of teenagers seeing the scythe-tongues reaping. Here were no Mosaic miracles of rodded stone yielding the water of life or the cold bush fire cloning cold flame or the Cana stunt reversed to pump a lake of beer through fire-hoses. Christ did not appear to wake the Coolock dead. Even the patron saint of lovers did not show. The burnt offering of curling hair, frying fat and human meat was good in the sight of God and the sun shone next morning, somewhere.
Unknown to family and friends fire-dust belched and star-dust took on new meaning. Ireland would bury more children: she has no shortage of rich tilth and her graves are insatiable. Dust to dust indeed.
* 9. WOMAN IN A CARDBOARD BOX (Through Mary's eyes - for Mary Rowan)
Do I really know Marita? I know that I am a nurse and that I care, by Christ I care. I try to climb into her head but I must fail: it is difficult enough to climb into my own. She lives in a cardboard box on the street near Buswells. At least she has a good address (Kildare St, near the Dail) but who will write to her? Will busy TDs call? How many votes is she worth? She is a private soul, won't eat her Simon-soup and sandwich if I stay near. But she'll talk if I decide to stay and raise the questions. Yes, she's afraid of muggers. God help her! What mugger would think it worthwhile to bother her? She has nothing, nothing but human dignity: no cash, no jewellery, no drugs to tempt the weak. But Simon will give her an insulated sleeping bag, warm and waterproof, worth 150 quid. Now I fear for her. She has something worth stealing. And this is Ireland and Murphy's Law prevails.
Garda, if you hold with Christ, mind her sleeping-bag for her till night falls and keep an eye on her as she sleeps.
* 10. NIGHT NURSE (Through Joan's eyes - for Joan Kennedy)
The night-light was soft in the pleasant room. Everything was clean and fresh. A pair of roses nodded towards the bed. The nurse had brought them, done her chores, taken out the bedpan, washed her patient gently, combed her wispy hair, given the shot of heroin.
The old one's children had not been for days. The nurse had made excuses: rain, traffic jams, end-of-term exams. But the old one knew and cried quietly. Washed out eyes, eight decades old, welled unwinking from their tunnels. Spindly hands lay white and cold above the spotless sheets, hands which clutched her beads, her lifeline. Metastatic cancer and its wracking pain had sapped her will, throttled the vestigial strength from her frail frame. Her breath was scarcely audible.
The nurse had sent the summons to the family but knew it was too late. "Nora love, will we say the Rosary?". She lit the blessed candles, prayed the Resurrection for this mother and for mothers everywhere and children who forget: "... now and at the hour of our death...". The old one's lips, purple as a stole, moved silently: "Amen". She struggled, tried to sit up. "God bless you Nurse. Tell them I could not wait."
The nurse's hard-soft arms held the old one as she slumped. Gentle hands stroked her as she gasped her last and throated the death rattle.
Nurses, like men, don't cry, do they? This one did, bitterly, for all the Noras of this earth and all the unborn Noras still to come.
They came later, hardly glanced at the corpse. "Isn't it a terror how fast they go when cancer takes hold of a body?" said the daughter, full of spirits, herpes and herself. She wanted the death cert there and then. Tomorrow was Friday and the insurance company would be closed on Saturday. The nurse smiled sweetly, flint-eyed. "I'm afraid the doctor won't be in before tomorrow afternoon ". The son said nothing, not a word. He was just the driver.
The nurse tidied up, raced home to bed, woke her partner with a feral kiss and hissed as she raked the lazy flame "Love me; I need savage loving now".
* 11. CHRISTMAS ON THE QUAYS (Publ. Public Sector Times, Jan 1988)
Adam and Eve's echoes the favourite carols. The crib across the river sings its joyful song: the Christ Child is born, God in a puny frame, the message for the weakest of us. The only problem is the millions who do not hear and the disbelief of we who do.
Shaking Sam and Once-I-Was Pat huddle on a waste-strewn site, share a flagon of cider: Christ's blood shed for down and outs.
Hairy Billy knocks back his last mouthful of meths, shuffles in tears towards the East parapet. The water cries too.
Biddy completes her inventory of her worldly goods, hoarded in the corner of a Switzer's bag. She prays a toothless Our Father for those less fortunate and spits a blood-streaked phlegm through the Halfpenny Bridge on her way to the Hostel.
* 12. AMEN
Kneeling in a peaceful trance, amidst the hacking coughs and creaking benches, I needed to believe the unity of everything: the grain of sand, the Mover of the sea. But noisy doubts cavorted in my mind. A line of sinning saints and saintly sinners and all the combinations in between, we advanced in silence.
"Body of Christ". His robot arm, metallic words, reflecting years of weariness, remnants of an obsolete program, dispensed the snowy bread coldly, uninvolved, to the hungry.
"Body of Christ". In gentler tones, a neighbour from our street, hatless and self-conscious, cradled the simple earthen bowl, blessed friend and stranger with maternal eyes.
Sweet Jesus! How I willed those flawless discs of wheat to be the Crucified, the Easter-risen hope of our rebirth. I might have gone to him, my tired, tired brother, one doubting Thomas to another but turned instead to her. She believed and I needed her belief.
"Body of Christ". "Amen"
* 13. THREE CROSSES
Three bewildered youths with older brothers on the dole, drowned despair in cider, hot-wired a handy car. Their joyriding overturned to grief on a greasy bend. Screaming metal scalpelled deep into the bark of a sturdy chestnut bole, tracking twin incisions in weeping white pulp. Young blood stained the wounds. Later, calloused scars, thumbtacked with two tinfoil crosses. Whispers in the breeze. And somewhere else, the third scar tries to heal in the brain of a boy who had no boyhood and whose cross would not blow away in wind or time.
* 14. TOO LATE
As a scarecrow in a storm, he was shattered. March sleet fell. His gaunt face, scraggy beard, dull haggard eyes peering out of wet tunnels, followed her coffin. How could she fill herself with whiskey, stagger raving to their bed and down a score of Mogadon before his eyes? How could the ambulance take three minutes to arrive? How could she be dead before help came?
I held him tightly, murmuring that her mind had freaked out and she was not responsible and that God forgives. But words of comfort now appeared stupidities. Unhearing, he just stared at the polished oak.
He sensed her in there, a honey blonde with tresses to her waist, thirty five years' hustling against grot and poverty.
Her woman's smile and teenage skin had smitten many men. In her wedding dress she lay, beautiful as a sleeping princess, a baby dead in her cold body, waiting for the groom she could not marry.
* 15. COLESLAW
Christmas Eve and for the past few days blue-arsed flies were mesmerised by our activity. Niceties were observed to the letter: pudding mixes with cinnamon, bread crumbs and chopped pork, last year's cards exhumed, black sheep telephoned.
Belfast crowds, fresh-faced troops with automatic weapons, RUC with walkie-talkies were no problem to republican smugglers. We and booze-thirsty nationalists overran the customs posts with north sea tigers in our tanks.
Alcohol did not hit my brain till later, when the house was still. They were gone visiting and I was making coleslaw in a silent house.
Jesus! Coleslaw on Christmas eve, when there were sunbeams to be soaked, lonely breasts to be stroked, voids to be filled in mutual longing. The doorbell chimed and a saviour appeared, a bottle under his oxter.
Jameson, the Irish solution to Irish problems, filled two voids and, for a stolen hour, we compared notes of alternatives, what we would like from Santa Claus, what we could offer a needy world. We saw each others needs and gifts and sank into the golden haze.
Jesus, baby, celibate and crucified was for other children, not for us in our present state but we emptied the glasses, resumed adopted roles, keeping the premium paid for the moment at any rate.
The coleslaw must have been made by the fairies. Red peppers added the missing zest.
* 16. AFRICAN REVENGE FOR ERRANT NIGHTS (BLIND VIEWS OF AIDS) * a. MONKEY BUSINESS "I tell ya Joxer, I always knew them Afrikaaners was savages", said he in Guinness Oxford. "Sure they enjoy nothing better than monkeys in bondage, tied to glide in a witches' cradle, and to hammer them from all sides with them deadly weapons popping from black pagan thighs".
"Too true... If we don't watch it Mick, they 'll make monkeys of us all. And another thing: I'm gone off the idea of monkey-gland injections. I 'd sooner lie safe in a soft bed, remembering past glories". "I tell yez lads, Pretoria is on the right track but it's taking too long to finish the task".
"Christopher, ould flower, ya hit the nail on the head. Two more when you're ready". *b. GUILTY MY LORD In a sunlight clearing, a calving hind knelt slowly down on bloodied fangs. Her calf was dispatched through his unburst sac.
In the isolation ward, a twenty-six year old lay, sentenced. Her baby slept nearby, too late for unburst sacs.
The mother's eyes bled terror, pleading not to die but medical eyes slid away, empty of hope, impotent. Her crime: to love her man on his return from silicon valley. Some chippie there was up to monkey business, or maybe King Kong had it off all over Hollywood before the guns brought him down.
From their cushioned pulpits, righteous ministers call down the wrath of god on sinful flocks. "I tell ye brethren, God is not mocked!". Fire and brimstone blaze again in the mouths of frenzied men.
* 17. IN MEMORIAM
TO THE SOUL OF A MURDERED FOUR-YEAR-OLD O Little one, for you was life as natural as birdsong until you saw the pain of Judas gleam through your father's manic eyes.
I have replayed my death many times, but I have lived twelve times your span.
You, poor innocent, had no dress rehearsals. Little one, in your last seconds, after you transcended terror, did you understand that man is sometimes animal, that mind is sometimes overstretched. And as you screamed out a last frantic Abba, did you forgive the insane deed? Did you say: Some day you will be with me in Paradise?
Dear child! Now you are at peace. You know the answer to life's riddle, or if you don't humanity is lost. If you don't know, we should round up everyone who looks sideways at a child and we should bury them under a million millstones.
If you are not at peace dear child we should surround ourselves with loyal bodyguards and armies, go on the plunder for gut and groin alone, lust and glut today for there is no tomorrow. We should gather up our criminals, outcasts, loons, our crippled, weak, infirm, our deaf and dumb, our Mongols and deformed, our aged, unemployed, our politicians, priests our social workers, prison guards and cull the lot. Let us turn our prisons, sanatoria, our hospitals, asylums, into pleasure palaces.
Make life simple, clear the road. Make life simple, clear the road in one final solution of unearthly scale. For our sake, little one, rest easy.
CONCEPTUS Joyful, masterful, the lucky sperm explodes into the egg, sheds its exhausted tail and new life yawns awake. But death chuckles slyly, quietly, sliding in unseen, hiding in life's shadow.
CHILDREN We spoil them and starve them, dandle and cuddle them, rape them and bugger them, stroke them and burn them, tuck them into bed throw them onto the streets. We build them up with praise and tear them down with tongue-lashing. We salve their wounds and smash their little limbs. We love them from the moment of their being and hate them for being in our way. We cotton-wool the premature and toss the unloved foetus in a bin. And many are they who say there is no good in mortal man, nor mortal sin in him.
But children will always be, for a world without them is no world for you or me, is but a dying pain facing a dark eternity.
ADULTS Daddy drove by the schoolyard today, a woman at his side, not Mommy.
Mommy looks out the window, crying. I ask why. She just hugs me and smiles, saying: I'm so happy with my little girl.
Auntie Mary has her bottle as a friend and the child a thin blanket edged with tattered silk. But the bottle has no milk and the blanket no warmth.
Uncle Charlie tells magic stories to the sleepy child, whose pure eyes shine in wonderment and joy, then Charlie insists on playing his secret game and the boy's eyes dim in puzzlement and lifelong pain.
THE MALE OF THE SPECIES Between the foolish and the wise man lies. Between the glowing stars and groaning ice man lies. Between laughter and tears man lies. God & Satan fight in him. Hope & despair lurch his heart. Love & hatred savage his mind. Nun & Harlot turn his head and in a vital world many living souls are dead.
* 18. PRE-CHRISTMAS SERMON
We came to Mass to share ourselves, our hopes with one another and with God, to pray for peace and health, love, encouragement. The priest, my God-unknowing man, did his Roman best. He praised the children for their gifts confettied round the altar, toys and multicoloured books to be dispensed by Santa to less fortunates.
But then he warned of bags of soot in stockings near the waiting hearth for children who might dare to hassle parents, fight as sibs, to be themselves in slow pre-Christmas days; that mammy wants the kitchen to herself and daddy wants a drink in peace out of his woman's way.
He advised his straying sheep to shun goat-pasture, not to pass their rank and state in life. "God has given us crosses to be borne and each must keep our place".
The priest, believing, said it all. I sought clean snow outside but only soot-rain fell.
* 19. WHY FINNEGAN Jr. SLATES PINTS FOR MIRACLE-WORKER JOHN (To the memory of Timothy Finnegan, late of Walkinstown, and how I precipitated his famous wake)
I hear ye knew my father, Timothy, of his debaucheries and of his famous wake. My story was the death of him entirely and in my grave he lies; on that my life I stake.
John the Corpo-digger, cursing my audacity to be coffined on a Saturday and need my grave by Monday, mumbling and swearing obscenities on my legendary parentage, dug the rain-soaked clinging Sunday clay, counting double-time.
Crazy John, the lazy bastard, was no respecter of the dead (or the living either, for that matter) he dug my grave too tight and left a wisdom-tooth of granite erupted through the brown gum inside the yawning mouth.
Requiem over, incensed and prayed for, I was first-geared to the forest of headstones and recycled wreaths. John, in mud-caked wellingtons and sweat-stained dungarees, a truculent pilot to a coffin-ship, shambled apelike by the hearse, a shovel on his shoulder, his head capped in bawneen.
He argued with the driver, sleeved his leaking nose, scratched his balls with feeling and roared in the general direction of the crowd what a marvellous day it was for the job. With a scythe-swipe of his free arm, he signalled the bearers to drop me on the planks.
Webbing hissed through handles. He grunted to the lifters and kicked the planks aside. "Down with him, nice and easy". My feet went down in solemn rite but the shoulder of the lid jammed solid on the tooth of granite. He thumped a mighty heel on the brass nameplate but I would not go down.
Cursing pine for swelling, he roared: "Bounce him lads". They bounced the box with gusto. As a window-ledge can pop a bottle-top, the granite popped the coffin lid, scattering the crowd.
Wakened by shrieks of anger and fear, head six-foot down, knees in the air, there was I, reborn with second sight, bollocks naked except for the pocketless shroud twisted caul-like around my neck.
When God opens one window, She closes another, to soften the draft, some say, but when they hauled me out by the ankles and a maiden aunt gave me her fur to wear, my father bleated and died of shock. Our clan always holds a good wake...
Since then, John and I don't talk too much. He blames me for his sacking; the Corpo 'll never give him the chance to save another life in like circumstance. But in my local boozer, there's pints on standing order against my slate for John, a miracle-worker, if ever there was one.
Eejits and dossers, the old, the poor, the handicapped, the busy whores are always with us. They, like the Johns of this world, seem to have no place, no great destiny, until you get a different perspective of life as you look from your grave upside-down, or you savour a hot brown loaf, cut on a breadboard of sanded pine and polished brass, inscribed with your name and a simple cross.
* 20. WATCHERS AT PORTLAOISE PRISON
WATCHERS January noon-frost. Granite skyline. Numb-toed stamp of boots. Thump of mittened hands. Roof cages, not for pigeons but hawk-eyes. Bristle of arms. Gun sights on every move below, blue steel snouts ready to rip. Coffee detail late. Tempers on the boil. Dreams of Cypriot sun.
WATCHERS OF THE WATCHERS January ground-frost glints on barbed-wire, on tilted grey girders, breakwaters against any wave of would-be rescuers. At the outer gate, a pale, tall, lank-haired man. On his shoulders a blue-faced, snot-nosed child. Both statue-like except for sigh-breaths on ice-air, thin clothes in knife-air. No guards with whom to plead an unofficial visit. Blank stares towards the great grey door.
WATCHER THROUGH TINTED GLASS January insulated, I released the clutch. As the cars ahead moved on, I retuned the radio, thinking of Presley's "Jailhouse Rock".
I wished the watchers of the watchers a silent Good Luck. Was the man a brother or a victim's brother? Was the child a prisoner's son or just another orphan of the righteous gun?
* 21. MOUNDS OF THE DEAD
From south Kilkenny to Athy, along the frosty roads, were oligolithic tumuli of humble beet. Their faces, skulls, like those of naked corpses clamped in the paddies of Cambodia or Polish prison-camps, were tortured, broken, anguished and clay-grained. Hair-torn from the soil, they screamed as mandrakes. Some were scalped, others split in two. And from the meek, the dispossessed, we of greed and strife, with little need of consolation, suck their sap of life and strength of soul.
* 22. MANSION
The aroma of good tea followed her. "He won't be back for half an hour." She closed the door in my face. Post and rail fence peered through the morning mist; vacant paddocks waited for priceless horses. On the green lawn two thrushes picked for worms, as I for work. Outside the mansion, I waited, hungry in my beat-up car, eyeing the rust spots, eighty-six thousand on the clock, two quid in my pocket. I saw the broken roof slates, the cracked marble statues and I smiled. Content now, I whistled softly, calling to the thrushes "We're only passing through".
* 23. CASH-FLOW PROBLEMS
"Oh yes, you're a great man and so patient. I apologise for the long delay; cash-flow problems, you know ". It was the fourth time in more than a year that I tried to collect for work long done. "I have it set aside for you in an envelope. Can you call? I have another lame. You might be interested to experiment. But of course I can't pay anything for this. You might learn something new about your technique..." I should have known better but I went to treat another crippled horse and the boss was gone and the envelope mislaid and I learned the hard way the weakness of promises, the strength of hope.
* 24. SHADOWS ON REGINALD'S TOWER
I parked my scowling hundred-thousand-mile Corolla between two brand new, smirking Mercs in the traffic island. Behind me the Tower Hotel, in front the Jade Palace Restaurant: modern China rubbing shoulders with the 11th century tower of Reginald the Dane. The Waterford docks clanged and hooted on the right. A native pigeon BATaBATfLAPped to perch on the grey stone sill of the broken-grilled window high over the port. The shadow of a foreign flag, fluttering on the patchwork wall of the crumbling Tower did not faze him. Proud-chested, he strutted into inner silence, a silence of decay and darkness, then emerged into the January sun. Head ratcheting from side to side, his cold eye missed nothing, nor did those of his ancestors who perched on the same sill. Shadows flickered on that wall, shadows of nine centuries: of pigeons and gulls, lumbering 4-legged cranes, Container-laden trucks, pantechnicons, ambulances, drunks, masts of prison-ships, sails of grain- and famine-ships, flapping rags on shuffling skeletons. Musket, broadsword, pike and lance of Redcoat, Roundhead, yeoman and rebel shadowed those stones. Full of wine, Cromwell's and Warbeck's men pissed against those stones. Full of Strongbow, Aoife heard him snore content within those walls. But my pigeon was not fazed by shadows. Bored with the scene below, he BATafLAPfLAPped away up-river, changed his mind, circled a few times, then headed seaward. He was watched until lost from sight and wished an envious farewell by two grounded veterans of the dole, stubble-shadowed, strong young men who wished they, too, had wings.
* 25. THROUGH A GLASS DARKLY (Publ. Dungarvan Leader 4/3/88)
Tonight a few pints in Lismore, then on to Waterford for a deorum more.
A creature of groups, I wound up in discussion on the state of the nation, the third-world economy of the Emerald of Europe, the mess, the hopelessness in this small island, home of despair.
The bottom line on which we all agreed was that men and women who do something well should raise their arms in song and sing from the heart their thanks for knowing what they know, doing what they do best.
Unplug the televisions. Away with pseudo, hype and bluff. Long life to mothers and fathers of happy children. Long life to fiddle makers, car breakers, waterkeepers and poachers, the makers and breakers of laws, rogues who master any craft and try to do it even better.
At ten next morning, JCBs excavating tunnels in my guts, jackhammers cracking my skull, I knew that my talent was to laze in bed.
* 26. THE GREAT HUNGER, 1988
TOP
Emigrants from Armagh, oblivious to Iniskeen or Paddy Maguire's life, they talked with a Sligoman of the barley and apple, of whitened red diesel running the smuggler's roads, of a son called Tom McGurk who cared for his mother and missed the marriage boat. In a Dublin semi-D, they talked of punt and pound, of the savage price of pints and chasers, Tom Fee's memory for names, but never once the troubles or the Irish pain.
And, sharing their warmth and brandy, I laughed and cried with them. And, later, I laughed and cried at the miserly soul trapped inside my will-be corpse, a soul that seeks the luxury of self-expression, the selfishness of "I am", the doglike urge to leave a sign behind on macerated bark.
* 27. GHOSTS OF COOLATTIN
Head high, the young buck trots into the oak clearing. Autumn sun slants low through branches. The world is gold and brown and green. Silence reigns.
He is ready and grunts his challenge. The old warrior replies. Side by side, both parade around the battle glade in timeless ritual.
Thudding hooves vibrate the ground. Clatter, rattle, clack of antlers. Echoes of centuries encode in oak bark. Yielding to youth, the old buck
slopes away to brood on better times. Strutting to his browsing does, the young king coughs and grunts his proud and potent victory.
Dawn brings the death-cough of chain-saws. The deer herd fades into Mammon's mist in a thunder of JCBs and thickening haze of oak-dust and diesel fumes.
* 28. TALKING AT KAVANAGH
Somewhere out there in outer-space cold Monaghan is the grave of a lonely Kavanagh-man who anguish-dreamed his lover's melt engulf him in the small-death throes of a poor man's bedtime fire. His passion sizzled in the lenten ash, guilt blister-writhing in flame.
O let me not forget that grave; one like it will be mine. But let me break my bonds to save my spirit while there's time, for that poor devil died a mental cripple, cursing the land which broke his spirit, and mothers who smother their sons, cursing a church which brands as mighty sins the Atlantic Trench of human needs and self-determination.
* 29. VALE KAVANAGH
Comrades, spare menus abound, or unused paper napkins, childrens' copybooks, scrap computer paper, the back of cheques. We have no excuse for lack of paper.
Can't find a pen? Borrow a pencil, an Access biro at the Jet. Use Tippex, magic markers. Use a sharpened matchstick dipped in paint. And there's always blood.
You have mental block? Come off it, look around, what do you see? Wealth and poverty? Life and death?
Look inside yourself and weep or shout in joy. Let your soul sprout wings and hawk the air of imagination seeking the blackbird or rat, the bloody meat of truth.
Kavanagh wrote in blood and tears, knew the desert mirage but found his oasis. So can we.
* 30. THREE HAIL MARYS
Moses had Irish connections. Loyal followers spirited his corpse secretly to Clonmacnoise. In a bog they buried him, ten stone tablets by him. (These same tablets had a rough time: they cracked the night he got them, when he tripped and swore on his way down the mountain. Grey mosaics of broken ideals, they've been in bits since.
The tablets were dug up recently by treasure-hunters on leave of absence from the National Museum. They called in the experts; an army of angels, stripped to their sexless buffs, squeezed giant squirts of super-glue along the broken edges. Celestial compressors jacked rams, borrowed from CPI, to vice the bits together.
After a long time, Michael ordered the rams to be released. The tablets stood for a moment, then to a roar of angelic anger, fell apart in pieces once again. Michael was demoted and Gabriel became the gaffer. He sent for a team of steel-fixers, laid off after Sisk's bank disrupted the Dublin skyline, and he sent for the Devil himself, laid off after confession was abolished.
The Devil was told to bore holes in the stones under pain of being dispatched to Heaven. He obliged, drilling deftly with a fiery prick and finished off the job by swishing the tip of his tail though his handiwork. John Sisk's men ran rods of steel through the holes and bolted the ends. "Nice job", said Gabriel, who prescribed the tablets be craned to the top of the Central Bank for the moral edification of the Jews and Protestants of Dublin. (The rest of us did not need that kind of reminder). Anyway, we could not read the script.
But, during the night, some crazy son-of-a-bitch, a PR man for the rubber trade, climbed the bank unaided, pulled giant condoms over the standing stones and lettered slogans ten-foot high "DUBLIN SAYS YES IF BELFAST WANTS TO PLAY"
Next morning, PMPA was inundated with minor claims - one Henry Street trader got paid (under the all-risks policy) for swallowing her teeth.
Steeven's and Jervis Street ran out of plaster of paris. It took two days to clear the traffic jam and only then could the Knights and Opus troops ride through to remove the heretic johnnies, which were excommunicated and drowned with quenched candles in the sympathetic Liffey.
That was a mistake. They should have left the covers on, for the acid rain and super-acid comments of noted academics ate through the steel cross-your-heart bars. The tablets crashed apart once more, brought down the Bank but the Pound hit a new high as Israeli investors bought the capital and scoured the ruins with metal detectors and stone sniffer dogs.
The bits were sent to Haifa, guarded by Nicaraguan Contras, were reassembled by a team of stone repairers from Beijing and were encased in two foot layers of Galway glass. But the earthquake came and glass is fragile.
The Churches united: London, Delhi, Moscow, Rome, Salt Lake City and Tokyo held an Ecumenical Summit in Greenhills. They anvil-bent a devilish plan: reversed the rules. Thou shal't not honour God! and we began to pray like saints. Thou shal't blaspheme! and we were mute. Thou shal't work ten hours on Sunday! and the unions led mass strikes, called for the Tridentine rite.
In Cracow, students burned effigies of the Pope. Khomeni burned in effigy in Teheran. Sit-ins were the rage in every mosque, cathedral, meeting-house and kirk. Beeswax and joss-sticks zoomed in price. Thou shal't revile thy parents! and the geriatric homes were emptied and long-distance exchanges were jammed. Thou shal't kill, Kill, KILL! and troops withdrew to their borders and Shankill got drunk with Ardoyne. Thou shal't shag thy neighbour's spouse! and Scrabble shares vied with those of Trivial Pursuit and so it went and everyone was happy and the confessionals were full.
Bless me father, for I have sinned: I failed to shag my neighbour's spouse... I gave a fair wage to my workers... I told the truth in court... God is good, my child. Don't despair: say three Hail Marys.
* 31. COLLEAGUES, STRANGERS ON A BUS
"And thank you all for coming..." The Director waved goodbye and disappeared, flanked by his officers, into the laboratory. We board the bus. I see a vacant seat, catch his eye. "Hello" says he. "Hi" from me, "Mind if I sit here?". "Please do".
I sit. He looks away, fiddles with his camera. I close my eyes, enjoying the autumn sun falsely warm on my face through the glass. The day was tiring. My calves and feet ached from hours of standing, looking at posters, trudging corridors. His badge said Sweden and I knew his English would be perfect. Language would be no problem.
He sits there. I have to say something but have nothing to say. I think of inane openings: cold for the time of year... great facilities they've got here... and what is your main field?... but will not utter them. Are the same thoughts in his head? We'd said it many times that day to Czechs, Aussies, Poms and Uncle Sams and we were tired of talk anyway.
Time drags. We know that half an hour or more of silence lies ahead before the bus disgorges us to let us part to our own silences, comfortable silences because we'll be alone and used to it.
"Well, here we are". We file from the bus with our briefcases and silences. "See you". "Yes, see you later, maybe..."
32. MOCK INTERVIEWS
On the night before my interview, raw sixth years came to be mock-interviewed by me. One by one, fresh-faced, keen, naive, they entered the boardroom and took the hot seat opposite. I shook firm young hands, cracked hoary jokes to break the ice. I went through the motions: subjects, interests, asking reasons why they wanted to pursue their guiding stars.
One, a farmer's son, was to take a course at Warrenstown and then go home to breed Whitehead meat on fifty Celbridge acres. He did not know that if he sold the land the interest would double that from beef. What churl would dare to spoil such innocent simplicity?
And who can put a selling price on hearing your own calves bawl and the paternal snort of your own ringed bull?
When the last lad had gone and the paperwork was done, I wondered if I had gained insight into the tired minds that would turn me down next morning. Well-heeled Taca is alive in Dublin 4.
* 33. CUCKOOS IN NOVEMBER (Le roi est mort... Vive le roi)
24 years without a clock except the inner need to eat, to prove in mind creations that I am, to ask questions asked by those who went before.
24 years to dream, to play sophisticated games with figures, produce tables of t values significant at p < .001, yet produce too many at p > .05, or worse, of no significance. 24 years to realise how little I know and to know how little they realise.
Suddenly, last Monday morning, cuckoos crowded my nest, not one but a struggling mass, featherless, wide beaked, mute. I pity their hunger, knowing the gnaw of mine.
Without farewell, I hopped to the thorny lip, glared into a sleety sky, flapped bedraggled wings and, croaking all the way, flew to the ruined castle on the northwest border of the Pale.
On Monday morning Nov 28th 1988, I found a colleague's files cluttering up my office in the centre in which I had worked for 24 years. Staff of the Meat Research Department had occupied our wing at the Dunsinea Research Centre (now the National Food Centre), Dublin 15. I moved that day to the National Beef Research Centre, Grange, Dunsany, Co. Meath.
Our main natural resource is agriculture. In September 1988 the national agricultural research organisation, the Agricultural Institute (AFT) and the National Agricultural Advisory and Education Services (ACOT) were merged into the Food and Agriculture Authority (TEAGASC).
A 44% cut in budget and haphazard, unplanned voluntary early retirement of top scientific, technical, clerical and farm staff castrated the new body. Impotent and demoralised, it limps on, still haemorrhaging, into a high-tech Europe. Michael O'Kennedy was Minister of Agriculture at the time.
* 34. I SEE STARS
I have finished with this glass of wine, still wine in the glass. I have finished with the dream of being here with people, with serious talk. I am tired, pissed. I want to sleep with a woman, a dream. Fuck it, I must sleep as I am, alone, myself. I will wake tomorrow, reach for stars that I will never reach, but which will fire human hearts, will be reached by others.
* 35. CIRCLES
* a. FARAWAY HILLS Three weeks in Australian sun and then the sullen skies of Ballymun to greet my body's touchdown in the rain. The drizzle and the boring cold skewer my bones, penetrate the unaccustomed tan. My restless soul still flies the cloudless skies of faraway Geelong. Kathleen, my sweetheart, ochone.
The news at home was grim: surplus milk in Europe, butter mountains; farmers paid to leave their land for recreation uses, forestry; abattoirs on short-time or closed down, accountants and receivers busy now. The factory barons slaughter Friesian stores, quite useless for good steak but profit for the barons guaranteed by paper-shifting claw-backs.
Never mind the quality, count the heads and move the lot to intervention freezers. Meanwhile, cattle prices tumble day by day, taunt the worried farmers who must feed their stock: beef to the heels, unwanted by the trade which will not plan ahead. Agribusiness dwindling fast, cash-flow at a trickle.... Woe the country when the farmer has no cash. Kathleen, my loved one, ochone.
And the strikes, the lockouts: teachers, busmen, public-sector workers (who should know better) stand and watch the slow collapse of our economy; the numbers on the dole the highest ever. Educated youngsters must revolt en masse to pull us from this swallowing morass. But maybe it's too late. When builders build no houses, we're a sorry State. Kathleen, my darling, ochone.
Exploration all around the coast and not one drop of oil ashore. No oil, no gold, uranium, no sapphires, opals, diamonds, amethysts, our national wealth of zinc and lead botched and plundered. Aughinish, that multimillion hope of work, almost at a stop. Factories closing down like ninepins falling, moneylenders' interest rates recalling the slavery of debt but V. de Pauling is poor answer. National debt a ghastly sum: more than seven grand for every man, woman and child in the land. We cannot pay the interest, let alone the debt. And then we smash the priceless warriors and mumble "Sorry" to Beijing. O Kathleen, Mavourneen, ochone.
Four lessons my mother taught me: faraway hills are green; there are long horns on the cows overseas; sorrow today is the joy of tomorrow; and the shroud has no pockets. Of course I know these sayings and I am rooted in this soil, this land which could be wonderland but never will. Yes, pieces of my heart will stay behind when I walk out on Her. For the grass this side of the hill is dying and my five calves will have calves of their own to feed. The only grass in sight is melting from my hills like snow off a ditch in May and there is long, green grass down Geelong way. O Kathleen, my homeland, ochone.
When the ship begins to slip beneath the waves, rats leap over the side. Fat rats, lean rats, savage and mean rats, rats of black, grey, brown jump ship and swim, or drown. O Kathleen, my poor beauty, slan.
b. PALE KATHLEEN I flee this land again, the land of Colmcille, of my father's mother and his father's dams, awful in its beauty and its hopelessness, the land of wrecks; of plundered tombs, unexcavated cairns; of torn phone-books and dead phones; of twisted metal desecrating woodland, moor and fertile fields; shrapnel in the eyelids of our potholed roads; the land of politicians banking three pensions to quilt in Euro-down the nests of cuckoo squabs; the land of dole queues, nixers, extradition writs, west brits and the nod's as good as a wink; whose horses run so well when blinkers are removed in the Curragh dawn; this land of tattered plastic bags festooning rusty nettled fences; nets of monofilament across our salmon rivers; land of septic streams, the sewers of sad towns. But, like the swift on April's call, I home again to friends who laugh aloud at life's insanity, whose women manage to remain intact despite the fertile accidents; blind friends who will not see the drip of Kathleen's blood; who mourn their dead, their thwarted dreams with passion; who murder black pints or golden drams as if tomorrow is for fools, not us. The same again Sean.
* 36. THE OWL AND THE EAGLE AT NEWGRANGE(1)
(1)Newgrange is a 5000 year-old passage grave near Slane, Co. Meath. Over 200 kilotons of rock from Wicklow, the Mournes and the Boyne valley were used to construct a long upward-sloping passage to a central burial chamber. The burial chamber is pitch dark at all times of the year except for a few minutes at dawn around the winter solstice. On the morning of December 21, as the sun rises over the horizon, its rays crawl along the passage to illuminate the central chamber for about 17 minutes. Apart from its use as a tomb, the mysteries of Newgrange remain unsolved.
* a. THE GIRL In the corbelled chamber of the Newgrange cairn she pondered in the dark but she was not in tune. Her friend had joked and smoked a stinking pipe and bloody tourists clicked their cameras, whispered "Ain't that something, honey?", "Ach zo", "Wow", without an inkling of the why or how. She would return, alone.
That night she cycled twenty miles in silence, strode to the massive Stone, guard of the tomb for a thousand years before the Giza pyramid. Through gaps in scudding cloud, the dark was shafted by full moon.
Thick lenses fogged, shapeless in a threadbare gaberdine, she hunched, against the wind and rain that scoured the white quartz face. Like a small bedraggled owl, she sought the slightest sign of ancient meaning through the murk. Though nigh impossible to see she would not concede that sight was needed to receive inspired insight.
Amazous, the chestless, restless girl was bathed in swirling grey-green light. light spreading from her core to gleam from every pore. Her face shone gold. In the howling gale, the little figure grew; her mind sang high and wild an ancient tune she did not know.
* b. THE EAGLE In a mighty thunderbolt, the girl became flame, and from her ashes an eagle flew, his eyes fierce, his head, beak imperious. He perched upon the Great Stone as of right, with wings spread wide aloft to greet the moon. In regal confidence, he screamed into the dark: "A Dhaoine na Sidhe, tarraigi amach cugham(2) Bring me your Queen. Tell Her Eagle has come".
* c. THE QUEEN Rain gave way to silky mist; wind sighed. A void appeared between the clouds and Selene smiled her silver light on Meath. From the great tomb, tumuli and geo-cracks, the Little Ones with see-through wings emerged, formed up in massed battalions to fill the plain. In unison they called their absent Queen: "Banrion Geal na Sidhe(3)".
2 Pron: A gwee'nee neh shee'yeh, thawr'igee a'mock who'um - O People of the Magic Ones, come out to me
All hell broke loose. The earth turned upside-down and back again. The moon was split to form two bullish horns; the sky was reefed by bolts so fast and long that day was pale beside such light. The noise and power shook the earth again; the mountains groaned. The grid of steel that barred the tomb fell down. The passage glowed. The bright Queen arrowed through the tumult to 'light upon the eagle's back.
"Fly", she ordered, "fly back ten thousand years". High over Newgrange, Eagle soared to glide the time machine.
3 Pron: Bon'ree'un gee'owl na shee'yeh - O Shining Queen of the Fairies!
* d. THE VISION "Blink and see", she cried. And Eagle blinked. Then far below them, from the Mournes to Sally Gap, green forest stretched. The mound was not in sight.
In among the trees, the Little People teemed: Fir Bolgs and Tuatha de Danaan (Ireland's Aboriginals who dwelt beneath the ground). They fought and sported, courted, died and rose again: new generations of mixed blood, a faery-human mix.
Eagle blinked five thousand years away. The woods were thinned and fields of green sprang out between the trees. Winding lines of sweating men snaked out of sight to Wicklow's heather hills, to Mourne's dark slopes. They hacked away their thorny, branchy tracks. On wooden rollers, simple rafts, with pride and awful pain, they hauled with woven rope the giant stones, mounds of water-rounded rocks, slabs of twinkling quartz. They cursed their loads, up hill, down dale, over fords. Their king and priests had spoken: a sign was to be built, a monument to say "All power in the Universe must shine and then decay".
The dome was built, a mighty dome, with passage pointing east to tell the thoughtless bureaucrats, technocrats, autocrats, me fein rats, that life must change.
The Newgrange sign is clear and penetrates the soul. The men who built the mound were free. They knew what they were doing, where they were going. The whorls and spirals, signs of sun and water, deeply etched in granite cry aloud: "The reality of life and death is change. The reality of change is death and life. Listen and act if you dare". Eagle understood. He saw his death and rebirth, found great inner peace.
Eagle blinked again, slipstreamed to the right, past Christ's birthday, came to rest again in mid fifth century, hovered over Tara's mighty fort as yet no fire lit, saw the Opposition's fire lit before the King's. Patrick had arrived and brought his Easter Flame. "Now the fat's in the fire " thought Eagle. (It was and still is and ever shall be for Paddy's priests have lost their way. They use the fear of Hell and threats of dire punishment and Candle, Book and Bell to keep their faithful tightly bound as slaves to their disquiet).
Eagle's piercing eyes blinked twice. Then came the utter desolation to come. (And come it will, of that there is no doubt, as selfish devil-man must use his clout). The Bombs rained down in thousands: London, Moscow, New York, Bonn, Peking, Detroit, Berlin, Rome, Sydney, Baghdad, Delhi, Tokyo....... Megaton on Megaton multiplied by M. Eagle saw it all. He saw the earth explode. He saw the soil turn glass. He saw the sky go black. He saw the ice-age come, the death of all green life.
Cold famine stalked the earth. He heard the screams of the unlucky ones, the living dead. Mad human beings devoured human flesh and dog ate dog and day was night on mountain, plain and bog. Foul death-stench filled the air and in a global groaning wail the damned and dying sobbed the Dies Irae of hopeless dreams.
Eagle blinked again and gave the eagle's scream, not of fear or hate but of simple welling joy because he saw some more: he saw another dawn when gentle rays of golden sun poured through again. He saw new creatures at their work. New life is hard to stop. Young farmers tilled their fields and watched their crop and Eagle knew the meaning of the wheel.
"To earth", the Queen instructed. Eagle folded wings and plummeted to perch once more on Carraig Mor. The Queen and Fairies took their leave and the ancient place fell still.
* e. THE GIRL Eagle screamed once more, grew and split in two. One part became an owl. True to life's mystery, they coupled before the tomb. Owl laid a golden egg from which a dazed girl hatched into the rain, thick lenses still fogged, mind-flogged but knowing. I've seen enough tonight. I need not come again.
Aware of the mighty beat of owl- and eagle- wings behind, aware of her vibrant womanhood, of her final triumph over pain and death, she pedalled briskly home, whistling Beethoven's Ninth.
* 37. THE SESSIUN
Well tuned, fiddles pipes and flutes weave skilfully through lively jigs and reels. To their wild vibes, lilting voices, tapping toes and heels give deepgut resonance. A well played mandolin and squeezebox pass the test. (A guitar and bodhran don't fit in, though they try their level best).
I gaze around the noisy pub and see a hundred hungry souls attempt to flee their caged reality, their yuppie slavery. Then I think of fleeing refugees, in Israel, Timor, Kurdustan, bomb-bloodied bodies in Belfast streets, famine bloated bellies in Afghanistan, the well-heeled barons of intervention meats.
Sarsfield", I nod in alcoholic harmony, "this is a truly valid way to pass the pissed-off time of night and day". Later, when I recall that pagan mass (the happy music of the pub, the fleadh) I do not feel alone and cold in bed, for I stroll periwinkled shores along the sea, the ghosts of Ireland laughing in my head.
If you're Irish, here is fertile mental clay for ploughing, sowing, harvesting. All praise to the soil from which my forbears came and which my rotting corpse will fertilise some day. Meanwhile I soldier on with wife, sometimes dance to arcane melodies, sometimes chant the requiem of life, aware that time is brief before my obsequies.
* 38. BLUE OVERALLS AND HEADACHES
A strange relationship we have, this man in oil-stained dungarees and I, this man with blackened hands, and battered mind. In pints, we talk of gombeen politicians, faceless men who shape our destinies with egocentric influence.
We do not rebel: in fact we acquiesce to their inane philosophies, knowing they vomit horseshit. Why is this? We, the Irish people, are a great people. We have the soul for hope, for work, for justice, scholarship, for joy, for dance, for bed in haggard, ditch, or cuckoo's nest.
We have the stomach for the juicy steak of better times but we know famine and the taste of grass and soup of nettles. I call him when I need his canny hands and mind, when the diesel burns too fast, or the oil needs changing, or the brakes are poor. He calls me when his mind has over-revved and he sees only one solution to injustice in this land: the stone wall and the gun - exterminate the dossers, the drinkers of our blood,
If it was so simple, Hitler's dream for Europe would have won the day but not so. The pain of man, is the pain of loss, of insecurity, the pain of the hopeless dream that if we lay up treasure now, it will survive the bad days which we fear will come.
Begone with fear and live today, tomorrow is uncertain.
Phil Rogers MRCVS, Lucan, Dublin, Ireland Fax: 353-46-26154 Tel: 353-46-26740 (Lab) [email protected] | [email protected] THE NYCAVMA IS HONORED TO HOST & MANAGE THE PHIL ROGERS ARCHIVE